He Looks Through Me

"Is it really over?", my girl friend asks at our regular lunch visit this week.
"Sadly, I think so, yes!"
"Well then, get a lawyer, know your rights and get this done."

I wish I could be so pragmatic about it all.

I think we will look back and say we did what we could.
But did we?
I'm certain we will say we did the best we could with what we had.
What was that really?

The time and distance which precipitated this recent disconnect
It still exists.
The chasm of issues that dug between us
They've been fought over
But not talked through.

Actions of old
Inactions of late.
All which could have been different.
Should have been different.

None of which changes things; the love has slipped away.

Christmas was nice.
We shopped together
Played Santa.
Put together toys until all hours in the morning, just like old times.
No fighting over it this year though.
Too many big things between us to let those little ones win out.
The irony of that is not lost on me.

We are friends. Finally. I hope.

Gone are the stolen glances
and Soft touches
Filled with affection.

The affection he had for friends that were visiting was more genuine than that which he extends to me.

He looks through me.
I am no longer sure what he sees, if he even really sees me...

No more night time hugs or good morning kissing.

He shares our bed with our wee one.
While I sleep on the couch.

A recent short conversation had us discussing legal mediation.
Should we see a lawyer in Feb? Should we start working on next steps?
He asked if it were a test.
I  laugh because he knows me too well.

Perhaps a pop quiz.
What will your answers be.
Will they bring up our score.
can we still pass?

We failed.
Mediator it is!

He looks through me.
Perhaps to this end. Our end.

Let's "Get this done"